2012 Yahoo! Cricket Beamer Awards

Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s that time of the year when we give away seven awards, to honour the efforts of human beings who managed to hit the ball with the handle of the bat, and ran out batsmen after the ball had been driven down the ground for four. You’ve got the gist of things, go ahead and look at the gallery, and give away your own funny awards in the comments section below. Do us a favour, call it a beamer!

The former chairman of selectors has been approached by the Black Eyed Peas to perform a kacheri at the Madison Square Garden. Also the reporter who was asked to shut up by Cheeka has been given accreditation to cover the event. It is believed that Srikkanth has started training for the musical night, by taking lessons from A.R Rahman, who hasn’t smiled ever since he agreed to be part of the project. To ensure that he finds his voice at the concert, Srikkanth is also following a special diet, consisting of only sun-dried sundal, which he eats after gargling four glasses of garlic rasam.
Beamer: Has Cheeka heard of Angulimaal?

 

The BCCI has decided to make photography compulsory amongst its contracted players to encourage creativity. It has appointed a photo coach who will work closely with the team, and make sure that they click their own pictures before entering the field. When the team chooses to bat, the dressing room has been given standing instructions to shoot every shot being played by the batsmen, failing which charges will be framed for misconduct and indiscipline. These images will then be edited on photoshop, and mailed to the press, for which each Indian cricketer will be paid a princely sum of 50 paisa per photo.
Beamer: Camera naam Joker 

 

After being asked to prepare a prank-turner, the curators have decided that they will henceforth grow turnips on the turf, so that the hosts have enough to eat apart from their words at the end of the match. Complimenting the effort of the curators, Indian skipper Mahendra Singh Dhoni has promised to be the chief guest for the best turnip competition that will be organised at the end of every Test match. Monty Panesar too was invited, but had to decline, for he was busy giving a speech to the House of Commons on how to bowl spin in the sub-continent.
Beamer: Has MSD ever been to Spin City? 

 

South Korean pop star Psy has roped in Chris Gayle to captain his T20 team in the SKPL. Psy was impressed by the Jamaican’s dance moves on the cricket field, and is paying the batsman millions to teach him how to horse around on stage. The video showing Gayle’s new pop single has gone viral on the internet, garnering as many as 0,000,000,001/2 views on youtube. Cricket coaches all around the world, have made it compulsory for their students to dance like Gayle after playing a stroke, saying that it helps increase bat speed and improves hand-eye co-ordination.
Beamer: Music for cricket’s Seoul 

 

Realising the immense potential of social media in promoting cricket in England, the ECB has appointed Kevin Peter Pietersen as its social media manager. KP will now be in charge of making sure that every bat handle in the dressing room has the owner’s twitter handle embossed on it. Post-match press conferences will henceforth be conducted on Twitter, with Pietersen moderating the questions from the media. He will be reporting to Andrew Strauss, who has been appointed as director of ECB’s online talent development wing.
Beamer: Does KP use rashtags? 

 

Virat Kohli has been made the honorary chief of the Finger Chips society, that wants to promote the ethical display of potatoes in public. Established in 500 B.C, by the great Roman general Middleus Fingerus Maximus, the organisation has a billion members spread across the globe, mostly working as registered manicurists. All members come together for an annual summit, at a secret location somehere in the middle of nowhere. Non-vegetarian food and jokes are strictly prohibited during the convention. Cricket umpires have been advised not to attend, after a previous member gave away the secret password while officiating in an international match.
Beamer: Kohli wanted to show that he was a role model 

 

Bollywood hero and Kolkata Knight Riders owner Shah Rukh Khan has been invited by the SMURF (Show me your right fist) foundation that works towards making half-sleeve shirts compulsory for all cricket teams and their owners. The aim of the organisation is to promote the exercise of the radius and ulna, which are always the bones of contention in every human expression ranging from protest to happiness. The whistle blower who is missing from the picture has been asked to provide the vote of thanks, which involves invoking his seeti moment of success.
Beamer: Paseena on my Seena